The Witness Protection Paizogony
by ChocolateDipped
Summary: FULL SUMMARY INSIDE. While Leonard, Howard, and Raj are away on a vacation, Sheldon and Penny witness a murder while leaving the comic book store and are placed in the Witness Protection Program. Sheldon/Penny!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: i don't own the Big Bang Theory, although I would like Sheldon for my birthday ;D**

**So hey guys! I was watching "Did You Hear About The Morgans?" and I got this idea. I am hoping I get Sheldon right; I'm not exactly the best with big words and science-y stuff! And it may be a teeny bit OOC. Enjoy anyway! **

**Full Summary: While Leonard, Howard, and Raj are away on a short vacation, Sheldon and Penny witness a murder while leaving the comic book store and are placed in the Witness Protection Program. They are sent to Appleby, TX, a small eastern Texas town with a population of 456. How will they survive living together in the same small town, much less the same home, without being allowed to leave? And what are their friend's reactions to finding them missing?**

**P.S.- Penny is 22 and Sheldon is 25. She had just moved in across the hall a few months before this story began XD**

"But what about my work? I'm need to win the Nobel!"

"Mr. Cooper, this is only temporary. You can work on your... whatever it is you do while you and Penelope are in hiding. You just cannot publish it online; he may be able to track your IP from the website," said a muscled FBI officer and Sheldon pouted and Penny rolled her eyes.

"It's Dr. Cooper. And I must publish my work! If someone were to discover something after I did, but publish before me, there would be no point and time would be wasted!"

"I'm sorry, _Dr. _Cooper, but it's that or be murdered by the serial killer you both witnessed earlier tonight. Which, if you were killed, you wouldn't even be able to work anymore much less publish anything."

"He's got a point, MoonPie. Take a chill pill; you can publish your papers once it's safe again and we're home," Penny said, patting Sheldon's shoulder. He flinched away from her touch and sighed heavily.

"Don't call me MoonPie; only Meemaw can call me MoonPie. Would you perhaps inform us of where we are being carted off to?" Sheldon asked the agent as several FBI members swarmed around to cover them as they got on a private government jet.

They were allowed to bring three suitcases each of things from their homes. Penny crammed one full of her favorite shoes, another was almost bursting with clothing, and the third had her cosmetics, books, movies, and anything else she wanted to bring, including a yellow CareBear. She also snuck on a small carry-on bag full of magazines, seeing as she wasn't going to be getting any new ones in the mail for a long time.

Sheldon packed his space as efficiently as possible– all his shirts, heinous plaid pants, socks, and all seven pairs of pajamas were packed tightly into the first case. In the second, he had all his important, rare comic books, and his action figures. In the third one, he had his work; journals, notebooks full of formulas, his favorite dry-erase marker for when he acquires a white board wherever they are going, and he also packed his napkin signed by Leonard Nimoy.

Once they were safely on the plane and in the air, Agent Groves told them their new environment.

"We are taking you to Appleby, Texas. It's a small town with 456 people in Eastern Texas. Dr. Cooper, in your file it said you are from Galveston. Your mother, sister, and brother do not know your location, and you are not allowed to tell as it might compromise your own safety and theirs. Same for you, Penelope. I will need you both to hand over your phones."

Penny and Sheldon dropped their cell phones into his outstretched hand and he placed them in a ziplock baggie and tucked it into his suitcase.

"Once all this is over, you will get them back. The reason I took them is not because I don't trust you two to not call anyone, but because the killer may be able to trace them to your location if someone else were to call you. If I have them, it will trace back to the FBI and lead him right to us, or we can trace his location right back to him."

"I still don't see why all this is necessary! I mean, why can't we just stay in our own homes and have, I don't know, some police officers guarding the hallway of our building?" Penny asked, rubbing her temples.

"Because you both dropped your bags with some form of identification; any licenses, bills have your name and address on them, paycheck stubs, or anything with your name, address, or picture on it could have been compromised by the killer."

"Okay. Who is the killer? Do you have a name or is it a mystery?" Penny asked. "I thought I recognized him, but it was too dark outside..."

"His name is Kurt Matthews. He is 24 years old, 6'6", and 286 pounds." Penny froze, and both Sheldon and the officer looked at her.

"Penny, is this the same man who took your TV and Leonard and I's pants?" Agent Groves gave him a weird look.

"A serial killer stole your pants?"

Sheldon glowered. "Yes. My roommate Leonard and I went to Kurt's apartment to retrieve Penny's television and some money he owed her, and he stole our pants and wrote on Leonard's forehead."

Agent Groves looked confused. "But wait. Why did he have her TV?"

Penny unfroze. "He is my ex-boyfriend. I dated him for four years and moved to Pasadena with him to become famous. Then he kept coming home later and later so I naturally thought he was cheating and left him. But I guess he was out killing people... Oh, God, he might've been planning to kill me... What if I had stayed one more day?"

"How often was he out?" asked the agent.

"I don't know, once or twice a week, every few weeks?"

"That sounds about right. Over the span of four years, he's murdered almost 200 people." Penny clapped her hands over her mouth and Sheldon's eyes widened.

"So he could have possibly chosen to murder me? _Penny_!" Sheldon panicked. Penny smacked his arm.

"I didn't know, Whack-A-Doodle! If I did, I would've just left everything there and ran! And I wouldn't have left you and Leonard to get my stuff!"

"Alright, alright, no fighting. We'll be arriving in a few hours, so here are your new temporary I.D.'s," he said, handing the small pieces of plastic to them. "Your new names are Sheldon and Penelope Lane. You are a married couple moving from Orlando, Florida. You married in May last year. Your fake birth dates are on your I.D.'s."

Their heads snapped up from looking at their cards at the same time.

"_MARRIED_?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I don't own the _Big Bang Theory_ or _Did You Hear About The Morgans?_.**

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for all the reviews! :)**

**I'll be updating every couple days, by the way. I have a lot of things going on in my life but I'll try to give you the best work I can!**

**But anyways, here's Chapter 2!**

"Penny, I don't think I can do this. Appleby doesn't have a Cheesecake Factory or a Big Boy. Where will I get my barbecue bacon cheeseburger this upcoming Tuesday?"

Penny sighed, already exasperated with Sheldon and the plane hadn't even landed yet. Agent Groves had gone up front to talk to the pilots and the other FBI agents, leaving them to sit in an awkward silence and think about their "marriage." Penny wrinkled her nose.

"Ugh, don't you ever stop _talking_? I'll make it for you, and you can even hover over my shoulder to make sure I don't 'contaminate' it.**"**

Sheldon relaxed, then stiffened again. "But Penny, the barbecue sauce won't be the same!" She groaned.

How in the _world_ was she going to pretend to be married to this psycho?

"Trust me, MoonPie. It will be fine."

He pouted, mumbling. "Only my Meemaw can call me MoonPie."

XoXoXoX

"Please fasten your seat belts as we prepare to land," a man's voice said over the plane intercom, and Penny fastened herself into her seat, tucking the newest issue of Vogue back into her bag. Sheldon had belted himself down the entire flight, preaching about being safe in case of the plane going down or the engine exploding.

They were slowing approaching A.L. Mangham Junior Regional Airport, which was the closest airport to Appleby. The government wanted to get them to their destination as quick as possible, so there was less of a chance of Kurt finding them.

Of course, it helped that Appleby wasn't even on the map or GPS.

Penny had just settled back into the cushy seat as the plane jolted slightly down. Sheldon went "eep!" and his hand flew onto the arm rest, right onto Penny's. He noticed and ripped his hand away, choosing to grip the edge of his seat instead. Penny rolled her eyes.

XoXoXoX

"Welcome to Appleby, folks!" Woodrow Thurman was a gentle-looking older man, and was Appleby's sheriff. He was tall and built, enough to take down a man but not big enough to tackle a bull. His hair was greying and receding, and covered by a tan cowboy hat with a gold star pinned on the front.

They would be staying with him and Sandra, his wife, in their guest house. It was a bit secluded from the rest of the town; a several-mile long dirt road stretched out in front of them as they breathed in the dusty, hot Texan air. The small town was bustling as it was around noon, and Penny wanted to explore!

Mr. Thurman (or Woody, as he told them to call him), insisted that they come get settled in and have some lunch before heading out into the heat, although Sheldon informed him he was born an raised in Galveston for the first eleven years of his life, and Penny was in Nebraska until she graduated high school.

Woody waved them off. "Don't you worry about anythin'. There'll be plenty of time to look around, but we gotta get some food into ya'll!" Sheldon twitched and started to tell Woody to keep both of his hands on the wheel, but Penny glared at him and he shut up.

She beamed at Woody. "Thanks! I can't wait to meet Sandra." Woody beamed.

"Oh, you'll like her. Ya'll seem to have a lot in common; you were in Junior Rodeo, right? So was Sandy. Now she teaches the local kids for the fair every year. If ya'll are still here next month, you should come n' watch, n' maybe even sign up for the bull ridin'!" Penny laughed and nodded.

"I'll need to brush up on my hog-tying and castrating, then!"

XoXoXoX

One second Sheldon was getting out of the sheriff's car, and the next his vision was blocked by slightly graying strawberry blonde hair and arms around his waist. He froze, pulling as far back as he could.

"Ahem. If you could please release me, that would be greatly appreciated," he said, and the woman backed up and smiled brightly before hugging Penny.

"Aw, you two are cuter than a slice of apple pie! I'm Sandra, call me Sandy. You must be Penelope and Sheldon!" Penny nodded and grinned, and Sheldon tilted his head in acknowledgement, resisting the urge to bathe in Purell.

"Just call me Penny. So woody told me you used to be in Junior Rodeo? I got third in the nationals when I was littler!" Penny said, and the two talked Junior Rodeo for a few minutes while Sheldon and Woody got all the luggage into the guest house.

"For being so skinny you sure can lift a lot!" Woody said to Sheldon as they brought in the last of the suitcases. Sheldon shrugged.

"My childhood centered around hunting and hard labor; I've grown used to it. And I'm a theoretical physicist focusing on String and M-theory with two Ph.D's, a Sc.D, B.S., M.S., an M.A. and an IQ of 187. Pair those with an extensive understanding of the universe and how everything works, and I could lift almost three times my body weight if I wanted."

Woody looked impressed. "So you're a rocket scientist, huh? Are you famous?"

Sheldon twitched. "Theoretical physicist. And yes, I am quite famous in the science community and I've won many awards."

Woody got a mischievous glint in his eye. "Nice. But can you shoot a gun?"

Sheldon scoffed. "I am from Texas, you are from Texas. Can't we all shoot a gun?"

"Alright, then. How would you feel about a good ol' fashioned shoot-off?"

"Challenge accepted."

XoXoXoX

Penny and Sandy were already becoming fast friends, bonding over a love of hog-tying things and CareBears. They were sitting on the porch steps, shaded from the hot sun, when Sheldon and Woody suddenly emerged from the front door, shotguns in their hands. Penny jumped at the sudden appearance.

"Woah, where did you come from? And what's with the guns?"

Woody smiled toothily. "Old fashioned shoot-off. Wanna come watch, ladies?" Penny looked at Sandy; they both smiled at each other. "You'd better not shoot me in the foot or something, MoonPie."

He glowered at her. "I'm not going to shoot you in the foot, Penny. And don't call me MoonPie."

Woody led them out into the backyard, placing two empty beer bottles up on a fence several yards away from where he and Sheldon would be standing.

"You ready, rocket scientist?" Sheldon narrowed his eyes.

"Yes, I am ready. You may go first."

"If you say so." Woody pointed his shotgun at one of the bottles, looking through the scope and holding it with both hands and shooting, hitting the neck of the bottle and making it shatter into pieces on the ground. "Now you, pretty boy."

Sheldon didn't even bother looking through the scope or using both hands. He lifted it up straight, one finger of his right hand on the trigger and his others wrapped around the gun, and shot while measuring with his eyes.

It hit the bottle dead center, making it blow up into tiny fragments. Woody whistled.

"Wow. I guess you were raised in Texas! Welcome back, brother!" he clapped Sheldon on the shoulder, then headed inside with Sandy to start making lunch.

**A/N: So yeah! Sheldon is a damn good shot :D What can I say? I like my Texan sharpshooters ;)**

**Review, please! Virtual cookies and a sharpshootin' Shelly for all of you!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey Guys! I'm really sorry I haven't been updating, but I just got out of school and I've been caught up in end-of-term exams and such. Plus, my mother and sister are going on a trip to Washington, D.C. for a week and everything has been a bit hectic! But here is chapter 3! A little more Shenny in this one, along with a glance back home in wonderful Pasadena, with Kurt being a creep and the gang returning from their trip!**

"Here you go, sweeties! Pulled pork sandwiches, mac n' cheese –extra cheesy, of course-, hush puppies, fresh peach cobbler and sweet tea. Anything else?" Sandy asked, placing plates in front of Sheldon and Penny.

"No, thanks. Just the angiogram," Sheldon muttered, and Penny squished his foot under the table and smiled at Sandy.

"No, thank you. This looks so good!" she said while eating a spoonful of the macaroni. "Oh, God, I haven't had anything like this since I left Nebraska!"

Woody laughed as Penny started to snarf down her sandwich. Even Sheldon embraced the familiar food and began eating, barely holding in his expression of surprise that the food was actually good. "I'm glad you two like it! After y'all are finished, we'll go and get ya some new clothes so you'll blend in better."

Penny squealed with excitement around her mouthful of cobbler. She swallowed and said, "Yay! What types of stores do you have around here? Do you have any of those cutesy little antique stores?"

"Oh, we have plenty of those. We also have a Bargain Barn; you might wanna go there, too."

"Oh my gosh, I _love_ Bargain Barn! My mom used to take me to the local one all the time!" Penny said, finishing her food shortly after Sheldon. Sandy took their plates as they stood up, and just dropped them in the sink.

Sheldon started twitching; just imagine all the bacteria that will grow on those in this heat! He shuddered. Penny noticed and pinched him.

"Stop that, woman! By the end of today I'll be completely covered in bruises if you keep this up!" he said as they all walked outside to Sandy's car, which was a huge truck.

Penny smirked. "Then don't give me a reason to bruise you, sweetie."

XoXoXoX

"Hello, I'm… John. Penny's my girlfriend, and I haven't seen or heard from her for a few days. Is she here?" A tall, bulky man in a black jacket asked a hostess at The Cheesecake Factory. The hostess shook her head, suspicious of this man. She'd never seen him around here before, and Penny didn't mention ever going out with anyone other than the short, geeky guy that came in with the Perv, Cheeseburger Guy and the silent Indian every Tuesday.

"No, Penny hasn't come in today. Do you want to sit down and grab a bite to eat though? Maybe while you're having lunch she'll come in," she suggested, popping her gum. He shook his head.

"No thanks. I'll just run by her apartment later." He left the restaurant swiftly, trying to attract the least amount of attention possible.

"That bitch and her nerdy friend won't get away," he muttered menacingly, pulling his hood over his head and signaling for a taxi.

"Next stop, Caltech."

XoXoXoX

"Oooh! MoonPie! Try this shirt on, it'll look good with your eyes!" Penny pushed him into the small dressing room with the blue plaid shirt. She spotted a pair of dark wash jeans and cowboy boots out of the corner of her eye, and grabbed those and threw them over the top of the door.

"Penny! When you asked me to try on this ridiculous shirt, you did not specify that there would be pants and shoes included! And that's a strike; one of those boots hit my head."

She rolled her eyes. "No it's not, MoonPie. Hurry up!" She heard him sigh, and a few moments later he stepped out. Her eyes widened.

Sheldon looked _good._

She was right; the blue shirt did bring out his eyes more. And hey, he actually had a good bit of muscle on him! The jeans fit perfectly, and the boots finished the whole look. He had the shirt sleeved rolled up to his elbows, and he tugged at them uncomfortably.

"I look like my father ," he grouched, but Penny ignored that.

"MoonPie, you look great!" She pinched his bicep lightly. "Have you been hiding some muscle from us?" she asked, smirking at his scowl.

"No, I've been 'hiding' from people like _that_," he said, nodding to a woman who looked to be in her late forties, checking him out from across the store. Penny burst out laughing.

"Don't worry, sweetie. I'll save you this time," she said, flashing her fake engagement ring and wedding band at the lady, who glared at her and turned away, huffing. Penny laughed again as Sheldon shook his head at her and went back into the stall to change back into his superhero shirt and plaid pants. Woody grabbed his shoulder.

"Whoa, not so fast there. You can just keep those on and Betty will ring them up on ya at the register. She knows all the prices by memory." Sheldon looked like he was about to complain, but Penny stepped into his sight and shot him a look that said, "_Talk, and I'll burn _all_ your damn superhero shirts." _He gulped, and nodded, resigned.

Penny smirked, and grabbed a few more plaid and striped button-up shirts and jeans for Sheldon, and threw them into the cart with her purchases; a few plaid shirts in bright colors, denim shorts and even a pair of light blue skinny jeans she found. She also had a few pairs of leather sandals and boots.

She had also changed her clothes. She was now wearing a hot pink plaid shirt that was tied in a knot under her bust, with the sleeves rolled up, paired with a light yellow tank top and denim shorts. She kept her yellow flip-flops on, since they matched and it was hot outside. She grabbed a white cowboy hat off a shelf as they pushed their cart up to register to pay, and pushed it onto her head as they left to put their stuff in the truck and wander around town.

XoXoXoX

"Sheldon, we're back!" Leonard called as he unlocked the door, pulling in his suitcase and placing the keys into the bowl. When he finally looked up, expecting to see Sheldon sitting in his spot or working at his whiteboard, he took a step back in shock. All of Sheldon's belongings were gone! He instantly started panicking.

_Did he move out suddenly? _

_Were we robbed but miraculously only Sheldon's stuff was taken?_

_Did he spontaneously combust along with all his things?_

He stepped cautiously towards Sheldon's room, being as quiet as possible.

The door to Sheldon's room was slightly ajar, which only worried him more. Sheldon _never_ left his door open. He pulled it open slowly and poked his head through. All his comic books, work folders, and various action figures and things were gone. His clothes had also been picked through, with all his favorite shirts and pants gone.

What in the world happened here?

He pulled out his phone and dialed Raj.

"Hey, is Howard still with you? Good. Listen, I think you two need to come over here…" He didn't offer an explanation, just shut his phone and walked over to Penny's. Maybe she would know what happened. He brought his spare key just in case she, for some reason, couldn't get to the door.

He knocked. "Hey Penny! We're back! Do you know what happened to Sheldon? Him and all his things are gone." No answer. "Hello? Penny?" Dead silence. He crossed his fingers, praying she wasn't home instead of just ignoring him or in the shower or something, and unlocked her door and stepped in.

Her apartment was cleaned out the same way as Sheldon's room.

XoXoXoX

"Alright, you two. I should've told ya before we went out, but I forgot. You already know that you're in a fake marriage, right?" Woody said, flopping down onto the brown leather couch in his living room.

Penny showed him their left ring fingers. "Yep."

Woody nodded. "I gotta tell you the rest of your cover story. Penny, you are Sandy's niece who is coming here to live with us with your new husband, Sheldon. You both got married in Florida, and you both were born and raised in Austin. You both met at the University of Texas in Austin, where Sheldon was studying his science stuff and Penny, you studied literature to be an English teacher. You got married about a year ago, after two years of dating. Sheldon, you have a younger sister and Penny, you don't have any siblings at all. And I think that's about it."

Sheldon nodded, committing everything to memory. He wanted to have no chance of being found by Kurt. A fast movement caught his attention. It was Sandy, speeding around the kitchen, making what appeared to be a massive amount of food.

"Sandra, may I ask why you are preparing such a large quantity of food? There are only four of us at the present time, and we couldn't possibly consume that much food." Sandy smiled at him.

"We're havin' a party, darlin'! We gotta get you two more involved in the community, and Woody thinks it would be easier to get your fake story out in the open now, rather than have the story get messed up by other people." Penny jumped up from the chair she'd been sitting on at the breakfast table.

"A party? How many people are coming?" She asked, excited.

"About half the town. People want to get know their new neighbors!" Sandy said cheerfully, and Sheldon began to feel weak. Half the town was over two _hundred_ people. That was a lot germs and diseases… Who knew what these people had?

When he recomposed himself, Penny pushed him into the kitchen to help Sandy make food. Sandy set Penny up with the ingredients for apple pies, and steered Sheldon towards a counter with things for fried chicken.

"You can make chicken, right?"

"Yes, my MeeMaw taught me." Sandy patted him on the shoulder as a thank you and Sheldon flinched, shaking it off as best he could and set to work on the chicken.


	4. Chapter 4

**OH MY GAWSH, I'M SORRY THIS IS SO LATE! I've been caught up with schoolwork and other things lately and I totally forgot :( I promise I'll start updating sooner! **

Kurt pulled his leather jacket tighter around his bulky muscles as he parked defiantly in the parking space labeled _Sheldon Cooper_, with a Ph.D written in black marker after his last name. Kurt rolled his eyes and climbed out of his Hummer. The doctor was absolutely insane, but even Kurt had to admit he was a genius.

Such a shame he would have to kill him soon.

But, oh well. How did that old saying go? There's no great gain without some small loss, or something like that. Kurt shook his head, waving away the random thoughts and marching into the university with a plan.

He approached the front desk, where he saw the three other members of the Geek Squad: the hobbit with glasses, the skinny ill-dressed Jew and that strange, silent Indian dude who always wears sweater vests. He quickly ducked down and out of site, hiding his face behind a brochure for some science program and listened in on their conversation with a short, dark-haired woman and a man with an annoying voice.

"Are you guys sure he isn't in his office? We just got back from the trip and all of his things were gone. And Penny's, though I doubt she'd come here for any reason."

_They were gone? What the hell?_

The girl rolled her eyes. "Hofstadter, I already told you. Dr. Dumbass isn't here. If he was, we'd all know it." Then the new freaky guy spoke up.

"Why would Woxanne even consider going anywhewe with Coopaw?"

Howard shrugged, looking a bit jittery. "I don't know. Maybe she killed him, sold his stuff and left town?"

_How ironic._

"Maybe. I know I would. But whatever, I hope he stays away. Perhaps this year I'll finally get that grant," said the girl, before walking away with the annoying guy.

Kurt slunk out of the building as quietly as possible, then gunned his Hummer out of the parking lot and back to his apartments as he mulled over his new information.

_Just great. Now I have to chase them, too?_

XoXoXoX

So far, the party was going great. There was good food and lots of laughter and greetings, with the vocals of Kenny Chesney flowing out of the radio on the back porch.

Penny swatted a mosquito away from her pretty red tank top, being careful to not spill her drink on herself. Before the party started, she changed out of her flour-covered plaid shirt and placed it in a basket to wash and changed into a ruffled red tank top she found in her suitcase, and tied her hair up in a curly ponytail.

Sheldon had been doing pretty well, so far. He was talking to the people who came up to him instead of blowing them off, and was currently surrounded by Woody and a few other men as he tried to teach them about physics.

Penny let out a snort and giggled into her bottle as she remembered her own physics lesson; _"It's a warm summer evening in Ancient Greece..." _The women she had been talking to looked at her.

"What's so funny, Penny?" A young, tanned brunette woman, who looked around twenty-five, asked.

Penny smiled. "Nothing, really. Just a memory from a while ago with my _husband_." The word left a strange taste in her mouth, and she tried to wash it down with more beer.

"Ooh, is it dirty?" Meghan, the brunette, giggled as she asked. Penny spit out her alcohol.

"Ohhh no! No, no, it's totally clean. He was trying to teach me what he does at his job, and seeing him over their lecturing just reminded me of it." Meghan and a few other girls sitting at a picnic table next to them "aww'd." How they thought it was romantic or cute, Penny would never know.

XoXoXoX

Eventually, all the families with children and older people went home and left just the adults. Woody and Sandy decided to turn in at midnight, leaving Sheldon, Penny, and a handful of other young adults out to do as they please and continue chatting.

Sheldon was still acting too rigid and... unnatural for a party, so Penny decided to spike his Mountain Dew with a bit of vodka she found in a cupboard.

That sure loosened him up.

After only half a glass, he was up on the picnic table singing show tunes with another guy who looked to be in his late twenties. They had just began a number from Wicked.

"_To be popular! I'll help you be popular! You'll hang with the right cohorts,you'll be good at sports! Know the slang you've got to know! So let's start, 'Cause you've got an awfully long way to go..._" the other guy, Greg, sang loudly.

Sheldon chimed in the next verse. "_Don't be offended by my frank analysis! Think of it as personality dialysis! Now that I've chosen to be come a pal, a sister and adviser, there's nobody wiser! Not when it comes to popular... I know about popular, and with an assist from me, to be who you'll beeee! Instead of _dreary_ who-you-were, ahem, are. There's nothing that can stop you from becoming popular!_" Then he started to stumble off the table, and Penny grabbed his elbow to steady him.

This was a bad idea. Penny replaced his spiked soda with water, and had him sit down on the bench instead of falling off the table and breaking his neck.

"But Pennnyyyyy! I want to finish my song with Gregory!" Penny put on a stern face, but was laughing at his whiny tone in her head.

"No, Sheldon. Sing sitting down, 'cause you're gonna fall down and break that big brain of yours."

Sheldon sipped his water and started belting out the lyrics again without even complaining.

XoXoXoX

After the last guest had left, and the leftover food was tucked safely into the refrigerator, Sheldon stumbled to the guest house with Penny following closely behind. Once she walked into the bedroom, she had a horrible realization; There was only one bed. Sheldon threw a fit whenever someone intruded on his space. How was this supposed to work?

Sheldon, in his wasted state (that Greg guy snuck him more alcohol), didn't seem to notice and just dropped face first onto the right side of the bed and started to fall asleep. Penny quickly pulled her Hello Kitty shorts and a purple t-shirt out of her suitcase, and changed in the bathroom to let him rest for a moment. When she went back out, she shook him awake.

"Sheldon, you need to change into your PJ's," she whispered, shoving his plaid pajamas towards him with his toothbrush, toothpaste, and mouthwash. He looked up at her with bleary eyes and took the things without speaking, pushing himself up and moving slowly towards the bathroom, grasping the wall with one hand.

She shook her head. He was going to have one hell of a hangover in the morning...

The bathroom door opened abruptly to show Sheldon in his green and blue plaid pajamas, sans the robe, showing his plain white shirt. He flopped back onto the bed much like the first time, but threw the covers over himself up to his chin and shoved his face into the pillow, forgoing his usual vampire pose for the night. Penny yawned, and turned off the lamp on the table next to her. She laid on her side, her back to him, and closed her eyes.

"Goodnight, MoonPie."

It was silent for a moment, and Penny almost thought that Sheldon had passed out.

"Penny?"

"Yes, Sheldon?"

"I could get used to this."

Penny pushed her eyebrows together, and turned to face him. His eyes were closed, and his body was relaxing.

"Used to what, sweetie?"

"Bein' married to you."

And then he passed out.

**Hehehe, aren't I evil? So yesss, some Shenny is coming into playyyy! Let's just see where this goes ;D I'll be writing more soon, probably tomorrow. I'll most likely have Chapter 5 out within a few days. Just press that Story Alert button (and hey, maybe leave a review, too? ;D) and check your emails!**

**~Chocolate :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, I lied. It's been months since my last update, and I'm so sorry... I ran out of inspiration and on top of that I had assessments at my school. Luckily, Christmas Break is coming up and I can write for 10 straight days! :) **

The bright, Texas sun shone through the thin white curtains in the guest house the next morning. Penny pulled the blanket over her head, hoping to get a few more minutes of sleep. That idea was ruined two seconds later by an alarm clock on the other side of the bed.

"Dammit, Sheldon!" she groaned, pulling the blanket back down and sitting up, blocking the sun from her face with her hands. When she finally managed to blink the cloudiness away, she looked over to the see other side of the bed perfectly made, Sheldon's pajamas carefully folded in the hamper next to it. The alarm clock read 9:32 AM and was still blaring happily.

Penny quickly stretched her arm over his pillow and smacked the clock to turn it off. She tried squishing herself back into the mattress to get more sleep. Witness protection or not, she was keeping the 11:00 rule!

After a long time of laying restlessly, she sighed and gave in, sitting up and running her hands through her hair. She haphazardly threw her pajamas onto the floor and chose a new pair of denim capris, a pretty navy blue floral top and heels.

When she was showered and dressed and all made up, she left the guest house and walked through the back door, which was left open. Inside, Woody and Sheldon sat at the table looking through a newspaper, faces hidden by the pages, as Sandy worked her magic at the stove. They all looked up as she stepped into the room.

"Well good mornin', sweetie! I was beginning to think you were either dead or dyin'!" Sandy said, flipping a perfectly round pancake onto the growing stack before taking it over to the table with a jug of maple syrup, jam and butter. A large platter of steaming scrambled eggs and bacon were already there, along with four plates and silverware. "But you're just in time for breakfast. Take as much as you like!"

"Thanks, Sandy," Penny smiled brightly, taking the empty seat in front of Sheldon. When he put down the newspaper, she let out a peal of laughter.

He was obviously suffering a bad hangover. He had dark purple smudges underneath his eyes, and he winced when Sandy's chair scraped the wood floor as she pulled it out. And, the bag of frozen peas balanced precariously on his head was a dead giveaway.

Sheldon glared, and Penny smiled innocently and slathered her little stack of pancakes with raspberry jam.

"Would it be appropriate to assume you are the cause of this terrible neuralgia?"

"It would be very appropriate," she smirked again, and Woody raised an eyebrow. "Moonpie over here doesn't tolerate his alcohol very well," she explained.

"She mixed some sort of alcoholic beverage in with my soda," Sheldon grouched, holding his glare, only to wince and squeeze his eyes shut when his brain cramped and pinched. "And only Meemaw can call me Moonpie." Penny looked sideways at Sandy mischievously and they both cackled.

"It's not that funny. Actually, it's not funny at all," Sheldon grumped, swallowing a bite of pancake. Penny rolled her eyes.

"Lighten up, Moonpie!"

"Believe me, it's sufficiently bright in here. My head is pounding," he said, rubbing his temples.

"Well get used to it, because we're going for a run later," Penny said, finishing off her last piece of bacon and wiping the grease off her hands. Sheldon groaned, but surprisingly didn't put up a fight.

XoXoXoX

Two finished breakfasts, several coats of sunscreen and one minor argument later, Penny and Sheldon were keeping a leisurely jog through a grassy field on Woody's land. Sheldon's hangover was still strong, so he had on Penny's pair of black Aviators and a bottle of ibuprofen in his heinous fanny pack, along with a bottle of water, his wallet, and a spray can of bear repellent. Penny thought it was ridiculous–

"_Sheldon, I'm pretty sure we aren't gonna run into a black bear in a wide-open field."_

"_It's better to be safe than sorry, Penelope. When you get eaten by a bear, it won't be my fault." _

She rolled her eyes as she recalled that conversation, which brought her back to what Sheldon said last night. _"I could get used to this."_

"Hey, Sheldon?"

He looked over at her from checking his pedometer. "Yes?"

"What if they never catch Kurt, and we never get to go back to Pasadena?" Penny asked, staring straight ahead as she concentrated on keeping her breath steady.

"That would be unacceptable. I have a Nobel Prize to win and if I can't do something as simple as using a phone to order equipment, then there would be no point to continuing my career. I wouldn't be able to share what I discovered with the world."

Penny looked over at him. "If you actually quit physics, then what would you do?"

"Penny," he said haughtily, "that was a theoretical situation, and a highly unlikely one at that. With the advances in technology, the FBI should be able to catch him. And if they don't, they'll be receiving a very angry letter. Oh, and I would never quit my job. That's just stupid."

Penny smiled, feeling a tiny bit better. They saw the house in the distance and ran a little faster in the shade of the trees surrounding the field. They slowed back down once they reach a clump tall bushes about fifty feet away from the back door. Penny started to say something, but Sheldon grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled her backwards.

"Hey! What the he–" A big, black, furry, clawed foot stepped out from the other side of the bushes. Penny's eyes widened.

The beast stepped all the way out, and Penny nearly screamed. It was a huge black bear, with paws bigger than her head. Sheldon kept a hold of her shirt, pulling her backwards in a stiff semicircle, trying to get to the door without getting close to the bear.

"Told you so," Sheldon whispered, and Penny whipped her head around to glare at him.

"Just unzip your damn fanny pack and spray the bastard!" she whisper-yelled, watching the bear through her peripheral vision. Sheldon took off his sunglasses so he could see better and got the can out of his bag. She grabbed the can from him as the bear stepped towards them. "Okay, the instructions say to speak in a soft monotone to the bear and avoid eye contact." Sheldon nodded and looked at her expectantly. "Oh, hell no! It's your can of repellent, you do it!"

"Fine," he hissed, taking back the can and shaking it. Penny moved a little further away, towards the door. They were only twenty feet from it now, but the bear was only ten feet from them. "Hello, black bear. Did you know your binomial name is Ursus americanus? You are a medium-sized bear native to North America, and you're also the continent's smallest and most common bear species–" The mammal growled, and Sheldon yelped, backing up two steps. The bear took three forward.

"Sheldon..." Penny warned, flicking her eyes between the few feet left between the black bear and his throat. Sheldon placed his finger on the spray can, and aimed it in the direction of the bear's face while walking up faster towards the door. The stubborn bear followed, and Sheldon accidentally looked up farther and made eye contact. The bear stopped, then started to bound forward.

"Drat," Sheldon said, dropping his sunglasses and running towards Penny, tossing her the can of spray. As Sheldon and the bear ran towards her, Penny closed her eyes in panic and pressed down the button.

"Ow! Penny!" Sheldon yelped, stumbling forward and holding his eyes, landing on the wood stairs to the house. Penny opened her eyes and pressed down the button again, this time hitting the right target between the eyes. The bear instantly backed off, shaking its head violently and rubbing it's face on the ground, then running back off into the wilderness. After making sure it was gone, she turned around to look at Sheldon.

He was holding his eyes and kept saying "ow" repeatedly. She winced, and grabbed his arm to pull him up. "Sorry for spraying you, sweetie. Let's get inside and wash your eyes out." She led him into the kitchen and turned on the sink. Sheldon was still pressing his hands to his eyes. "Sheldon, it's gonna be hard to get that crap outta your eyes if your hands are in the way." He sighed, and cringed as she removed his hands and the light shone through his eyelid. They were red and puffy, and Penny felt even worse.

"I can't open my eyes, Penny!"

"Oh, shoot. Um, let's go to the hospital... If there is one around here. Maybe we'll see Sandy and Woody in town." She led him out to Sandy's truck, grabbing the keys on the little hook by the front door.

She pushed Sheldon towards the passenger seat and climbed behind the wheel, making sure Sheldon buckled in his seat belt before speeding down the long driveway.

"Penny, if I lose my vision because of this I swear–"

"Oh hush, Sheldon. If it doesn't make a bear blind it definitely won't make you blind."

Sheldon looked affronted. Well, as affronted a man with swollen red eyes could look. He thought about what to say back, then slumped when he couldn't find anything.

"Just get me to a hospital. As if I needed _this _with my migraine! What is with you and injuring me?"

XoXoXoX

Turns out there wasn't an actual hospital nearby, only a small local clinic. And, unfortunately, the resident doctor was on his extra long lunch break. As soon as Penny heard that, she knew things would only go downhill from there. Sheldon threw a fit when the nurse tried to treat him, and refused to be touched by anyone without a doctorate.

Penny felt suffocated, and the small, humid room wasn't the only reason why. Sheldon was pouting and complaining to her left, and some old lady in the chair to her right apparently didn't know how to cover her mouth when she coughed. When the young teenaged receptionist started smacking her gum, Penny nearly lost it.

"Sheldon, why don't we just come back in an hour when the doctor comes back? There's no point sitting around in here." Sheldon, who had finally gotten his eyes open as much as he could, glared at her.

"No. I want to be the first patient in that office, so it won't be infected by that incubus of viral plague that is sitting in the chair next to you." The so-called 'incubus' glared and shuffled her chair away, coughing out into the open air. Both Sheldon and Penny crinkled their noses.

"Alrighty then..." she said, picking up an old issue of _Glamour_ off the little coffee table, and handed Sheldon a _Spiderman_ comic book from the children's pile. "We can use these to occupy ourselves."

"I suppose. This isn't one of my top ten favorite _Spiderman_ issues, but it will have to do."

They sat in silence reading for a few minutes until Sheldon slammed down his comic book.

"Woman at the desk! Yes, you. Would it be possible for you to keep your jaw hinged when you're chewing?" he asked exasperatedly. The girl narrowed her eyes at him and popped her gum. Penny facepalmed, knowing an argument was coming, but silently thanked the Lord that the noisy chewing had stopped.

"My name is Hannah, and I'm pretty sure my 'jaw is hinged,'" she said, dropping her pen onto her notepad of doodles and making little quotations with her fingers. Before Sheldon could snap back, the doctor strutted through the door.

"My, my, it's been a busy day! More patients!" he said with a cocky smile. Sheldon scowled.

"Yes, because taking over an hour for lunch and having only two patients with colds constitutes a busy day," he grumbled. Penny smacked his arm.

"Sorry about that, he's just grumpy because I accidentally sprayed bear repellent in his face." The doctor laughed.

"This isn't first time that's happened around here. Come back here with me," he said, leading them into a small room with one of those leather seats with the paper covers. Penny sat down in the chair that was placed in the corner, and Sheldon remained standing. "I'm Dr. Peters. I'm assuming you two are Sheldon and Penelope Lane?"

"Yep, but just call me Penny," Penny said, smiling at him as he removed a bottle from one of the cabinets.

"Alright then, Penny," he grinned back at her, then turned to Sheldon. "Take one of these every two hours, the swelling should go down. And I suggest rinsing your eyes out when you get back home. If your eyes are still red in twenty-four hours, come back here and I'll see what I can do."

"Fine," Sheldon replied curtly, plucking the bottle out of Dr. Peter's hand and reading the label. Penny stood up and shook the doctor's hand. He started talking to the doctor about the ingredients in the repellent, so Penny slipped back out into the lobby.

When she saw the corded phone behind the receptionist's desk, she thought of their friends back home in Pasadena. _I have to call at least one person, let them know we're alright..._

She knew it was a stupid idea, but now that she had thought about it she couldn't stop herself.

"Hey, can I use that phone for a second?" The young woman looked at her and nodded.

"Sure, but not for too long. Peters monitors the usage to make sure I'm not chattin' up my girlfriends while he's with patients." Penny laughed and picked up the phone, dialing Leonard's number. It rang twice before he picked up. There was a small _beep beep, _but Penny just passed it off as phone problems, since the corded phone was an older model.

"_Hello?"_

"Hey, Leonard."

"_Oh my God, Penny!"_ In the background she heard Howard and Raj start babbling. _"Are you okay? Are you with Sheldon? Is he okay? Oh God, you didn't kill him or anything, right? 'Cause if you did I don't think I have enough money to bail–"_

"No, I didn't kill him! He's here with me, and we're both fine. We just...took an impromptu vacation."

A sigh of relief. _"Oh... Where?"_

"This tiny town in Texas. We'll probably be back soon, but we both just needed a breather, I guess..." _There are lots of tiny towns in Texas, right? And this one is practically off the map, right?_

"_Sheldon? Needing a breather? Alright... Well, I guess that explains the missing stuff."_

"Yup. Well, we'll see you all in a while. Say 'hi' to the guys for us, 'kay?"

"_Okay. I hope I'll see you soon. Bye, Penny."_

"Bye," she said, and placed the phone back down on it's base just as Sheldon and the doctor stepped out of the doctor's office. She placed her hands on her hips and tried to look innocent.

"Thanks, Doc. Now let's get you back home and wash out those eyes so we can go out for lunch."

XoXoXoX

"Look, Penny! We can get a table by the mayonnaise."

Penny giggled. The pills that the doctor gave Sheldon were making him loopy, like his reaction to Howard's Valium.

"I didn't know you like mayo, Sheldon."

"Oh, I don't. I just thought it was cool. Ooh! Look! Our table has one of those stag head mounts above it!" Penny tried to hold in her laughter as they sat down in the plush booth seats.

"Maybe we could go hunting and make our own."

Sheldon wrinkled his nose. "I never enjoyed hunting with my father, although it did increase my skill. We should just buy one. I think they had them in one of those stores we went into."

"Will we put it in your apartment back home?"

"Well, of course! It would clash terribly with your couch, plus I know how much Leonard dislikes the glazed eyes 'staring' at him. It will be excellent payback for all his jokes."

"Aw, sweetie, I didn't know you actually cared about those. I thought you just ignored them."

"Duh, Penny. I am human, though a much more advanced version. And I'm hungry... Why are there no menus here?"

Penny smiled sadly and wrote herself a mental note to cut back on the jokes. She didn't want a deer head in her house.

Sheldon was right. It would _totally_ clash with her couch.

XoXoXoX

Kurt sat in front of a complicated computer system in the basement of an "acquaintance." Although he wasn't as smart as one of his soon-to-be victims, he knew how to hack into computers and phone lines.

And he just picked up on an unfamiliar number calling Leonard Hofstadter's cell phone.

He quickly tapped in the code and winced as his computer beeped twice. _I hope that didn't transfer onto the call. _He turned the speakers up and listened in.

"_This tiny town in Texas. We'll probably be back soon, but we both just needed a breather, I guess..."_

Well, that was more than he expected to learn. Penny was never really that bright... He quickly exited the screen and started tracking the call, tracing it to a location in East Texas. He couldn't find the exact location, but the phone belonged to a Dr. Peters.

Kurt grinned. Time to join his two friends on their vacation...

**Oh yeah! This was fun to write. A hung-over and partially blind Sheldon, a bear attack, new characters (that will be important later! Remember that little old coughing lady...), and finally another scene with drugged Sheldon. I don't know why Sheldon on drugs/alcohol amuses me so much... Haha :) And we can't forget about learning a tiny bit more about what's been going on inside Sheldon's head!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry this is so so sooo late. :( Feel free to throw things at me through your computer! **

"Wait... So what you are saying is that _Penny_ and _Sheldon_ went on a vacation together halfway across the country?" Raj asked in disbelief, as Howard just sat on the couch with his mouth hanging open.

"That's what Penny just said."

Howard snapped his mouth shut. "Well, then where are they?"

"I don't know, she wasn't really specific. She just said a small town in Texas..."

Raj frowned. "If Sheldon needed a 'breather,' why would he go anywhere near the state his mother, sister and brother are in? I think that would be the exact opposite of relaxation for him."

"His Meemaw lives in Texas too, but in a different part. I think he said she lives in Nacogdoches. Maybe they went there," Leonard said, pushing his hair back out of his face.

"But why would Penny go with him? And why would they take most of their stuff with them? I don't think Sheldon would pack all his comic books in his suitcases just to visit his Meemaw. This seems really fishy," Howard said, and the three boys fell silent.

A few seconds later Raj clapped, gaining the attention of Leonard and Howard. He looked at them both with a smile.

"Who feels like going on a road trip?"

XoXoXoX

"Alright, that's the last bag," Howard said, stuffing his duffel bag into Leonard's trunk before slamming it shut and hopping into the backseat. Raj got directions from Pasadena to Nacogdoches on his iPhone and plugged it into the dashboard.

"We ready?" Leonard asked as he buckled his seatbelt. "Snacks?" Howard held up the plastic bags filled with junk food, soda, and bottled water. "Music?" Raj switched from the GPS to Pandora and selected a station. "Awesome." He stuck his key into the car and drove out of the parking garage. "Nacogdoches, here we come!"

XoXoXoX

Penny felt guilty. In one day, she had given Sheldon a killer hangover, sent him to the hospital, and used a phone even though they had been strictly told not to. Now, it was one in the morning and her guilt was keeping her awake, which in turn kept Sheldon awake because of all her wiggling and shifting. The drugs had worn off hours ago, and now he was just plain cranky.

"Penny, would you please just go to sleep? You're ruining my REM cycles for the second night in a row!" She sighed.

"I'm trying, Sheldon, I really am. I just– oh, never mind. I'll just go to the main house and watch some TV." And with that, she pulled back the covers and slid into her cute Hello Kitty slippers and matching robe.

She peeped outside the guest house door to look for bears, and when she didn't see any she opened the door wider and stepped outside, shutting the door quietly so she wouldn't disturb Sheldon anymore.

Penny took a few steps forward, but stopped when she heard a noise around the corner of the house. She spotted a shovel leaning up against the doorframe and grabbed it, holding it like a bat. She silently tiptoed towards the corner, and just as she turned around the edge she sighed in relief, and then bit her lip to hold back a giggle.

Woody was sitting in a chair against the side of the house, leaning back with his hat tilted over his eyes, chin touching his chest, with a gun slung against his shoulder, sleeping.

That's when Penny realized just how far these two people would go to keep her and her best friend safe. Here was Woody, possibly risking his life by attempting to keep a vigil by their door, just for two people he barely knew who got themselves into a big mess that had nothing to do with him. When the FBI had asked him if he could board them, he could've said no. But he didn't.

Penny looked at the shovel in her hand, then back down at her feet. _And to think I might have jeopardized everything today by making a worthless phone call to Leonard. Good job, Penelope, good job._

She crept back around the corner, careful to avoid waking up Woody, and put the shovel back. Inside the guest house she could hear Sheldon sigh and shift around. He still hadn't fallen asleep. Then Penny had a great idea, one that might make up for spraying him in the face with bear repellent. She reopened the door.

"Psst, Sheldon! Hey, Sheldon!" he groaned, and turned his head out of his vampire pose to look at her with his baby blues, which shone in the moonlight that beamed in from the window.

"What is it now, Penny?" he said exasperatedly. Penny smiled.

"Well... I was wondering, since we both can't seem to sleep, if you would maybe want to come have some tea with me?" Sheldon seemed to think about it for a moment before he sat up and shoved his feet into his plaid slippers.

"Since I do not see a proper REM cycle in the near future, I suppose I will. Luckily, I brought my favorite tea with me."

Penny rolled her eyes as he went over to a suitcase and pulled a paper bag filled with teabags out of the front pocket.

"We have to be quiet, though. Woody's sleeping outside, around the corner."

Sheldon looked at her as he crossed the room. "Why?"

Penny smiled. "He has a rifle with him, so I'm assuming he was keeping watch just in case _you know who _shows up." The guilt over her phone call creeped back in just a little.

Sheldon frowned. "What's the point of keeping a vigil if you're just going to fall asleep anyway?"

Penny's smile dropped. "It's the thought that counts, Moonpie. Let's go have some tea, yeah?"

So they exited the little house and closed the door quietly, and tiptoed across the lawn to the main house and entered through the back door. Penny found the teakettle and filled it with water, and Sheldon played with the stove settings to get the temperature just right. When everything was just right, they sat down at the table to wait.

An awkward silence filled the air as Sheldon and Penny just stared at each other. Penny looked away first.

"So... What do you want to do tomorrow?" She asked, eyeing her fingers which were lightly tapping the wood in front of her.

Sheldon just shrugged, shifting his eyes away from her to look at the kettle, then back to her. Why was she tapping her fingers? Penny only tapped her fingers when she was nervous. What was she nervous about? Unless she did something she wasn't supposed to...

"Penny, what did you do?" Her eyes snapped to his, wide and shocked.

"Wha– I don't know what you're talking about. I–I didn't do anything," she said, trying to put her acting skills to use, although Sheldon's relentless staring didn't help.

"Then why are you tapping your fingers?" She instantly moved her hands to her lap.

"I'm not tapping my fingers!" she winced at the bad lie. The kettle started to whistle and Sheldon raised an eyebrow at her as he pulled it off the heat and poured the water into two mugs, dunking a bag of tea into each. He sat back down, placing one of the mugs in front of her.

"Penny, I have an IQ of 187, and several degrees. I am not stupid. I know you're lying."

Penny bit her lip, and grabbed her cup of tea tightly. She looked into the brown liquid and sighed. "Okay. Today... I did something really bad."

"Technically speaking, you did something really bad _yesterday_, as it is almost two A.M."

Penny glared up at him through her eyelashes. "You know what I mean, Moonpie."

"Yes, yes, just get on with it. What happened?" He asked, waving his hand at her and sipping from his mug. Penny sighed, and looked away from him, out the window.

"I might have sorta broken one of the most important rules here..." She took a deep breath. "I, um, called Leonard on the phone in the doctor's office."

Sheldon's tea sprayed out of his mouth. "Penny! What on earth were you thinking! Now our lives could be in jeopardy! And the worst part is that you called _Leonard_, who is no better at keeping secrets than _me_!"

Penny looked down at her tea, then up at his face. His face showed no emotion, but she could see the disappointment, anger and confusion in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Sheldon. I'm so, so sorry. I don't even know why I did it or what could happen now but please don't tell because I really don't want to get in trouble or have to relocate because these people are putting their own lives on the line for us and I already feel guilty enough and I don't want to cause anymore problems and now I'm rambling so I'll stop..."

Sheldon groaned and placed his elbows on the table, rubbing his eyes with his hands. He reached down and brought his tea to his lips, taking a long sip before looking at Penny again. She had tears in her bright green eyes and he could tell she was twisting her hands under the table. He swallowed; he wasn't good with crying women. He sighed.

"I will try not to tell. Please take notice of the word _try_, you know I'm not good at keeping secrets, and this one is life-threatening. I sincerely believe relocation would be a good idea, but I will do as you wish. What exactly did you tell Leonard?"

Penny sniffed. "I told him we went on vacation in Texas and that we didn't know when we'd be back." Sheldon thought it over.

"Did you provide a specific location?"

"No, not really," she answered, warming her hands on her mug again. "I just said we were in a little town."

"Alright, it shouldn't be too much of a problem. There are plenty of small towns in Texas. It would take a long time to go through all of them."

Silence filled the kitchen as Penny and Sheldon went back to their drinks. When her mug finally went empty, she looked up at Sheldon.

"Thank you."

XoXoXoX

"Hey, Alex. I need to call in a favor from you-know-who."

Kurt held his cell phone between his ear and shoulder as he packed a couple things into a bag. A woman's voice answered through the speakers.

"Kurt? What do you– never mind, I'll just transfer you over to Mr. Gionatti. No need to get into something that isn't any of my business..." Kurt heard a quiet beep and the sound of a phone being picked up. A deeper voice answered this time.

"Kurt."

"Leo."

Leonardo Gionatti was one of the biggest Mafia bosses in the Americas. His network –and bank account– were tremendous in numbers, and he was practically invisible to the feds. He played fair, but he never played around. If you wanted someone dead, or if you needed cash, he'd extend you a favor. But you had to pay him back, or he'd take your life. He followed the same rules when he asked for things; which is what Kurt was now taking advantage of.

Several of Kurt's murders were actually hits for Leo and his partners. Leo liked Kurt's method since it could never be traced back to him, and he always got the job done. So Kurt killed anyone Leo assigned him to kill, and he was paid five digits for a job well done in return. Leo wanted him as a permanent fixture in his syndicate, but Kurt preferred to stay neutral and work for several different groups. But for this, he may just have to accept that offer.

"I need to request a personal favor..."

"Yeah, okay. What is it?"

"I need a team of trackers, some guns and a private jet."

"That's askin' a lot. What would I get in return? I don't want this paid back in hits, I ain't got anyone right now that needs to disappear."

"Yeah, well I got two witnesses that need to reappear."

"What do you mean?"

"Few days ago, when I was getting rid of that Roy Banks guy for ya, two people walked by as I was finishing him off. Unlucky for me, it was my bitch of an ex-girlfriend and her geeky-ass friend. They got away and now they're in the Program."

Leo snickered on the other end. "Fine, I'll lend you what you need. But, again, what will I get?"

Kurt sighed. "I'll join ya permanently." He knew Gionatti was grinning ear to ear, and he almost regretted agreeing.

"Be at the warehouse in an hour, no later. You got papers to sign."

XoXoXoX

Sheldon slowly woke up from, finally, a full REM sleep. It had been four days since Penny admitted her mistake to him, and so far everything was going okay. Neither Woody or Sandy knew, and keeping Penny's secret was getting easier by the minute. After nearly a week passed by, he was feeling much better and more confident that nothing was going to happen.

He shifted around under the covers, then froze. His eyes shot open when he felt the heavy weight on his side and over his stomach, pupils quickly darting down to see Penny strewn across him, her right arm wrapped around his torso. He thought of waking her up to remove her from his person, but seeing the dewy light outside and the early morning numbers blinking on the alarm clock, he groaned.

It was nowhere near eleven o'clock yet, and he did _not _feel like getting punched. Looking back down at Penny, he decided cuddling wasn't _so_ bad and settled back in, eyes drifting shut as Penny gripped his middle tighter.

He would deal with the repercussions later.

XoXoXoX

Penny yawned, rubbing the little crystals out of the corners of her eyes and blinking them open. The sun shone straight in her face and she covered her eyes with her hand. She moved to get up, figuring Sheldon, Woody and Sandy had already had breakfast, when an arm pulled her back against a warm body.

She yelped, which then woke Sheldon up. Upon seeing his body pressed against hers in a spoon, his eyes widened.

"Sheldon! What the hell!"

"Oh, quiet down! The only reason I was even still sleeping was because you and your Nebraskan man hands wouldn't relinquish your grip on me!" That stopped Penny.

"What on earth are you talking about?"

"This morning at exactly four thirty-four AM, I woke up and was forced to decide between being punched in the throat or falling asleep again because you were groping me like Cthulhu attacks a ship!"

Penny was immediately thinking of a retort but her mind was caught on what he just said. "Wait, did you just compare me to a giant squid?"

"Yes."

She gave him a long, weird look, then scooted the rest of the way off the bed.

"Alright... It's too early for this... I need coffee." And with that, Penny grabbed her clothes and went into the bathroom to change.

After a quick shower, she sluggishly walked over to the main house. She perked up when she smelled bacon and coffee through the open window, almost throwing the door open and running over to serve herself some food.

"Hungry?" Sandy asked from the table as Penny bit into a piece of bacon before she even reached her seat.

"Like you wouldn't believe," she replied, sipping her coffee before going back to her plate of bacon strips.

"Why? What'd you guys do last night?" Woody asked, winking, as he walked into the kitchen. Penny looked at him wide-eyed as she coughed and swallowed her mouthful of food hard.

"Nothing!"

"I was just jokin' with ya, no need to choke. Where is the kid, anyways?"

"Taking a shower, he should be here any minute."

"Great, I bought another rifle yesterday. It's a little old but I think that man can fix it up, and then we can take it hunting. He was tellin' me this story about him and his father shootin' at raccoons the other day..."

**I swear I'll get out another chapter SOON! I SWEARRR! **


End file.
